Life

How to resolve conflicts between husband and wife?

Good love needs hug

After marriage, the husband and wife sometimes clashed
because of some trivial matters. This will affect the feelings of both spouses
to a certain extent. So what methods should the husband and wife take to
communicate effectively when they encounter problems and conflicts?

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The content of the story is as follows: I am now pregnant
for 5 months and work stable, but sometimes my personality is anxious; my
husband, 29 years old, is a business owner. We met through online dating apps
recommended by friends. It took us only a short period of nine months from love
to marriage. Because of the influence of family life background, he himself
will be somewhat inferior and withdrawn in life.

At this stage, I don’t know if it’s because I’m pregnant
or the marriage is in a running-in
period. Recently, we always quarrel. I suffered some unfair treatment at work,
felt wronged, and transferred my emotions to him when I had nowhere to vent. In
his eyes, I shouldn’t be entangled with the same thing, I should learn to
manage my emotions. But I just need to vent. When the vent is over, I still have
to fight, not necessarily asking him to help me. These are all trivial things,
but I don’t know why he thinks it is serious. In this case, where can we
improve?

When this happens, there are three ways to help you solve
it:

1.     Correctly
understand the current emotions.

If there is nowhere to vent your emotions, transfer your
emotions to him. This is not called transfer, it’s called “trash
out”. And in the process of “taking out the rubbish”, you still
don’t pour it out properly. Instead, the rubbish goes directly to the place
where it is dumped without being sorted, and then makes others crash.

Therefore, emotions are the homework that you need to
cultivate and get through. Don’t just think of others as emotional trash cans
to vent.

2.    
The violence
of language.

Your husband is talking about: Your current
practice will run out of things worth cherishing, and you just say: Get out.
This is again verbal violence caused by your own emotional instability. This is
not communication. He said “exhaust things worth cherishing”, then
what you should discuss with each other is: “what I did to make you feel
exhausted, what should we do to not consume each other, and how to continue to
operate well? relationship?”. This is called discussion. “Fuck
off” is an attack. It is not a benign interaction, but a greater
consumption.

3.     learn to express positively.

For example, you said: Why can’t you regard my complaints
and emotions as needing help?

Complaining is complaining. Complaining is not about
needing help. If you want to be helped, you must express it positively to
others, saying: What kind of problem I have encountered, I need your help. In
your heart, you hope the other person coaxes you like an adult and confronts
you, but who of you is like an adult and who is like a child?

The above three points are communication problems. In communication,
we must first resolve our emotions before attempting peaceful and positive
communication.

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